Journal Entry #8
Date: April 22, 2020
7:00 AM - It's happening again...or maybe it never stopped. I don't know, but this time around I can remember everything...vividly! I think they are getting worse, crueler, scarier. Last night, I was skewered to death. The day all started out normally. I woke up as usual and got ready for work. I think I remember shivering at the sight of my factory uniform. But, of course, I didn't think of it. Why would I? The memories had gone away and I thought, somehow, it was all over. I guess I was wrong. Anyways, it was after work that I started to feel on edge. Maybe, I was coming down with something? It is flu season after all. I decided to get off work. I usually always stay over time, but, for some reason, I just thought it was best to leave. Most of the mix was done. I could easily just come to work early the next day and finish it up. I rushed over to the mixing machine, feeling good about myself, you know. Ugh, I would say "If only I hadn't..." but there's no point of regretting. No matter what, I'm always gonna die. I bent in just enough to see how the mix was doing. Looking good. Then, out-of-nowhere, my mom's bracelet fell into it. It's a family heirloom and it's the last thing I have of her, so it's important. Lucky for me, the bracelet landed right near the side of the bowl. The mixer was on low, so, with that huge mixing bowl, the bracelet barely moved a muscle. I hit the stop button real hard. Don't wanna get into any accidents. Psh, how'd that work out for me! I was reaching in there slowly to get the bracelet and, somehow, the mixer malfunctioned. It began to turn like crazy. By the time I realized it, it was too late. The mixer had chopped off my arm straight through. Blood was gushing out and the pain was hell! I panicked and suddenly lost my balance. It shredded me to pieces. The worst part about it was that I felt it. Before, I never really experienced the pain. My deaths were fast and easy. But this one...it was like I was being cut, torn, ripped apart at every angle. It all hit me.
Journal Entry #9
Date: April 23, 2020
7:25 AM - Yesterday, apparently it was our cousin's funeral. Cousin Mel, remember? We used to be like sisters. This girl and I went through life together, you know? Preschool, kindergarten, elementary, middle school, high school, college, there were no two girls more stuck like glue than us. Doesn't matter now because she's gone. You can't imagine how we died yesterday. So, it's after the funeral. I'm in tears, of course. Why wouldn’t I be? She’s an angel! Anyways, the grave workers came up to us and asked if anyone wanted to stay, while they buried the coffin. Her parents couldn’t handle it and decided not to. I didn’t want Mel to be alone in her last moments, so I decided to wait. Her coffin was already laying there in the grave. They just had to close it up and it would all be over. After a couple of hours, one of the workers informed me that something came up and there would be a slight delay. Cool, take your time. I‘d experienced more death than any of these old geezers, so, staying in a cemetery in the middle of the night, not a big deal! For some reason, seeing Mel lying there made me anxious. She’s really gone. I started pacing back and forth, just a few feet away from the grave. Probably to shake off the nerves, you know. After a little while rain started to trickle down, but it was light, so I just kept pacing. Then, all of a sudden, it came down harder; it was crazy how violent the rain was falling. It all happened so fast. Without even realizing it, I’d taken a wrong step and slid right on top of the side of the coffin. By the time I’d regained consciousness from having blacked out, the workers were inches away from bulldozing two tons of dirt into the hole. They couldn’t see me. It was too dark out and the heavy rain made it almost impossible to spot out anything. Me having worn all black didn’t help either. I tried to scream for help, but I just couldn’t. My head was all foggy and my body hurt so badly. It was too late. The first thing I felt was the suffocation. It was like my neck was being twisted and squeezed. I gasped for air, but it only made things worse. My lungs were quickly filling up with dirt. Then, I started being eaten alive. Insects, one after the other, biting and chewing through my skin, devouring every part of me. They climbed through my mouth and began gnawing my insides. Right after, my body began to feel the weight of the dirt crushing my organs. It was unbearable. The last sensation I remember was my organs bursting and my bones crunching and shattering.
Journal Entry #10
Date: April 24, 2020
11:30 AM - Sorry. I woke up late for work, so, instead, I decided to use my lunch break to write down last night's death. Ironically, I always die at night. Probably because the cruelest way to have your life ended is when your alone, suffering painfully while people are out there living, smiling. Yesterday...it was horrifying. I should've known it was gonna end this way, having woken up from my sleep by the news channel broadcasting a warning to all the people of San Francisco. There was a serial killer running around in our city. Twenty cases had already been identified as being part of the same chain of murders and more were still being examined. The news later shifted to the police department's statement. They mostly spent their time trying to reassure the public, but they did manage to disclose some information about the killer: He would mark his victims by carving out their heart and laying it right beside them. Hearing this, I wasn't scared at all. Life had been taken away from me too many times for it to matter anymore. Anyways, it all happened without warning. My day went on pretty calmly, like they always do. I had just finished work and was walking back. My friend Josh "borrowed" my car, so that was the only way to get home. He even slipped a note in my locker that read, "Lucy, I'm stealing your car. Don't call the cops." Ugh, Josh always pulls these kind of stunts, but we've been best friends since forever, so I've gotten used to it. He's practically like a brother to me. I had to walk through that one creepy alley just a few blocks away from my house. Seeing as how this was the worst place to die, I decided to keep my guard up, in case anyone was trailing me. I heard nothing, no footsteps or slow breathing. It was so quiet, like everyone just disappeared off the face of the planet. I accidentally tripped on a pebble and dropped my purse. Josh's note started flying away. Sorry, Josh. I...I could feel it. Blood was dripping from my mouth and my throat was slit just half way. Enough to keep me alive for a minute or so. I laid down on my back, hazily watching as he stabbed straight through my chest, right beside where I presume my heart was, and began dragging it down and across in a neat oval shape. I looked straight into his eyes as he smiled like a child...gently and filled with joy. I almost wanted to smile back. Surrounded with a pool of blood and being partially decapitated, I wanted to feel as happy as he was. I should have already been dead, but I wasn't. Why was my body still clutching for any ounce of life? Then, it ended, as he plunged his hand directly into where he had carved, wrapped his fingers around my beating heart, clutched it in his palms, squeezing ever so gently, and pulled with all his might. The last sound I heard was the rupture of my blood vessels and my blood oozing out.
Journal Entry #11
Date: April 25, 2020
7:04 AM - Remember when this all started. I'd just turned twenty-two and had finally moved into my new apartment. Mel had just gone off to Spain as part of her study abroad program. I can still picture her face when she told us that she might get the opportunity to spend a whole month in another country studying caves. I think its called spe…um...oh it's speleology. Ha. Her face completely lit up, although she did look a little worried. I was just about to text her when my aunt called...Mel was gone. I don't remember how it happened. Every time I try to my head starts beating, ringing, hurting, profusely. For some reason every time I think about Mel its as if I can feel her pain as if it was my own...as if I'd experienced it myself.
I can't help but think about the first journal we'd ever written.
"I need someone to talk to. I woke up today with the craziest nightmare, just like the last few days. Was it really a nightmare? Everything felt so real, but it couldn't have been real. I'm alive. I'm alive. It felt so familiar. How could something like that feel familiar? Maybe if I think back to what happened, it'll all be less foggy. I was in the woods. Teresa invited everyone for a class reunion. She thought camping out in the night would be an exciting experience. I didn't want to go, but Teresa made me. She loves to act tough, like she's not afraid of anything or anyone. For the most part, the first half of it was fun. We played truth or dare, made smores, talked about old times, and sang and dance around the campfire. But the fun never lasts for long. Todd decided to play a prank on everyone and scare us by putting on all black and jumping out of the bushes with a huge axe covered in fake blood. Of course, everyone ran into the woods screaming. I thought Teresa was with me, but when I looked back, I didn't see her. I stopped for a second. I could vaguely hear the guys calling back, "Come...prank...it...Todd." Ugh, it must've been Todd. He's such a jerk sometimes. My heart had been pacing so hard. I almost fainted, but managed to keep myself steady. Closing my eyes, I bent down on my toes and breathed in and out. It's ok. It was just a dumb joke. After calming myself down, I opened my eyes and looked up. These big yellow eyes stared right at me. It was so dark out and I had ran so far way from camp that its eyes illuminated my entire line of vision, shining with so much intent...so much desire. I didn't look behind me but I could hear the rustling of leaves and the heavy, concurrent breathes. There were more. I couldn't run. I couldn't scream. I couldn't... I fell on my back right before they pounced, spreading my body apart and seeping their claws into my flesh. I was being maimed, alive, abandoned, agonizingly, mercilessly. As they tore my skin off, shattering and chewing on my bones, my mind was blank. The wolf that I initially saw continued to stay where he was, looking onto me with his bright pupils that no longer looked treacherous. They were sweet and innocent. I looked down at his neck and saw a collar with the name, "Candy." It...it was just like his. The sound of the collar's jingle warmed my heart, even as the wolves mangled me to death. It was so long ago...yet he was the last thing I remembered. I don't understand why I dreamt this, why it hurt so much, why I could feel the pain, like a scar on my body."
After that day, my deaths got easier and more muddled. Until one day, it just stopped. I try to, but I don't remember anything that happened during that time. It's like I was no longer there; my existence just disappeared.
Journal Entry #12
Date: April 26, 2020
7:12 AM - Yesterday was the first time I'd tried to stop it. I didn't go to work. I didn't even leave the house. I thought if I locked myself away, if I tied myself up, if I hid from the world there couldn't have possibly been a way I could get hurt. I'm always wrong. "It's my, it's my fault, it's, it's my, it's my fault." Voices..."I'm sorry, I, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm." Ahhhh! "Come back, back, come, come back, come back" What's happening?! Who's there? "Can, can she, hear me, she hear, me, me, can she hear" What do you mean? My head was aching. The voices...they were everywhere. I knew they were in my head, they had to be, but it sounded so real. I crazily rushed around my apartment. No one. Still, the voices just got louder, clearer. "Why, why, why won't, why won't she, wake up, wake up, why, won't she, why won't, wake up? Is, something, something, wrong, something wrong, is something, wrong?" I can't take it! "Calm, calm, calm, calm down, down, calm down" STOP IT! I started banging my head. Over and over again. I hit harder. It wasn't working. I grabbed my head and jammed it into the wall with as much force as possible. My head was bleeding, burning, but I didn't care, it didn't matter. MAKE IT STOP! I curled up on the floor, crying violently. Why? Why is this happening? I couldn't even hear my own thoughts anymore! Then, without hesitation, I jumped up, grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and jabbed it into my ear, pushing it in as hard as I could. I started to stab my other ear. IT'S NOT WORKING! I have to die! Too much! It's too much! If I die it'll go away! Squeezing the handle of the knife in my hand tightly, I thrusted it into my skull. I laid there, lifeless, smiling. They stopped.
Journal Entry #13
Date: April 27, 2020
3:00 AM - I'm not alive. I don't know how or why, but I'm not alive. It happened so suddenly. I wasn't asleep, but I couldn't open my eyes. There were a couple of people around me, talking. There was a boy and an old woman. For some reason, their voices made me want to tear up. "Hey sis, guess what? I got an A on my math test! HA! And you said I would be an idiot all my life." "William, stop nagging your sister. You know, I asked the doctor and they said she might still be able to hear us." "Exactly." "Ugh, what a grandson you are!" I could hear everything they were saying, but I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. It was like I was trapped in my own body. I'm scared. I didn't understand. I wanted to go back. So many emotions rushed into me. Why was I so sad, angry, frightened, worried? I can't handle this.
I DON'T WANT THIS!
And...then I was in my living room.
Note: The End
To: You
From:
You don't understand, do you? See, Lucy never died, nor was she fully alive. Rather she was laying in the hospital, living through and clinging to the agony of her trauma. Her mother, due to being a single mom, was forced to work in a factory, however, later being found dead due to an accident with the factory machine. Her cousin died during her trip to Spain after a cave collapsed over her, along with others, causing them to suffocate. Her best friend was brutally murdered while walking home late at night. After losing her daughter, her aunt's Schizophrenia worsened, eventually leading her to commit suicide. Her dog innocently chased a squirrel, under the darkness of the night, into the woods, only to find himself being torn to pieces by a pack of hungry wolves. Yet, what she didn't realize what that she was the reason behind each and every one of their deaths. Her mother chose to work overtime, only because she wanted to get Lucy the new car that she had so desperately asked for. Mel was going to reject going abroad, seeing as how she didn't like the idea of being away from her mom, but Lucy urged her to go, even paying for her plane tickets. Josh's car had been towed, so, instead, he tried to call Lucy to give him a ride home, but she'd been too tired and decided to ignore his call. Lucy's aunt knew she was experiencing early symptoms of the disease, however, refused to tell Lucy because she didn't want her to feel any more pain or loss in her life. It was Lucy's fault from the beginning. And still she chose to live, while everyone around her has suffered. Lucy had a choice to accept life for all that it is, and she almost had, allowing herself to lose consciousness and let go for a short time, yet she ultimately decided to cower and hide in the fictional world she had created. Although her greed is but infuriating, there is one thing that brings me to joy: Lucy will spend the rest of her life being tortured by the pain of all those she has hurt, dying with no end, living with no purpose, existing as life's toy. The end...will never come for Lucy.